Ray of Hope

Spring has felt like such a long time coming.  This winter has been a hard one for me emotionally.  It is only recently that our car was fixed so, for the most part, we have been immobile, squirreled away in our snug nest, awaiting the sun.  Hibernation sounds like a cosy idyll to begin with but when the incandescent glow of Christmas has faded, and there is not even the excitement of snow to break the monotonous bleakness, it begins to feel more like incarceration.  So we held on.  Held on to the rituals that guide us through the year: Epiphany, Candlemas, Valentines.... Held on to the hope of light and warmth and community.  Held on to Him who is present within every difficult, stir-crazy, ill-tempered moment and yet promises that this is not all, promises to make streams in the desert and a path through the wilderness.  And just when the dark and cold seemed most oppressive, just when I needed it most, ...the sun shone.  I am sure that there will be many more inclement days around the corner but for today I am thankful for a chance to wake up from my winter sleep, stretch out my arms and welcome the sun.  Similarly, even though I know that my long fought battle with depression is likely not over, I grasp the good days and thank God for his mercy.  

Ticking boxes

My husband is a list maker of old.  I am always finding bits of old cereal box with lists written on the back; lists of outstanding DIY; shopping lists; to do lists for his job.  He is a list maniac and always has been since I've known him.  For me though, lists are a new-ish entity.  I don't ever remember lists being made at home, and so I grew up without that most necessary of inventions.  However, thanks to the wonders of technology I have now adopted the list as my own; there are so many fabulous organisational sites out there with pretty printables that are just begging to be adorned with a list, how could I not become a list maker?

I think you'll agree that the best thing about lists is ticking them off.  It's a tangible sign of achievement and progression.  It makes you feel great to see how far you've come.  And when the last item on your list is checked,... what a feeling?!  Lists are the stuff of addiction, I'm sure, because nothing gives as great a rush as the knowledge that you have done what you set out to do.  Staring at a completed list is like eating Green & Blacks 70% cocoa dark chocolate; it just makes me want more.  More achievement, more self worth, more self justification for my existence.  And that's just the chores list.

So if the chores list gets me this excited, what happens when I turn faith into a checklist?  It's absolutely awesome; the progress I can make is astounding.

















(And just in case you think I am speaking only of conservatives, the charismatic church could equally have a list which includes speaking in tongues and watching the 'right' programmes on God TV.  Liberals could create their list with the right theology books and missional experiences.  None of these things are bad in     themselves; it is when we start to put faith in these things for our righteousness and salvation that there becomes a problem.)

Actually, in reality, this isn't progress at all.  It's merely ticking boxes.  And it leads to a false sense of our own righteousness without any reference to the saving grace of Christ.  We cannot become righteous through our own works.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--
Ephesians 2:8 NIV

I have fallen into this trap very recently.  I have succumbed to checklist Christianity.  I wanted so much to make progress from the broken and inadequate vessel that I believed myself to be, so I decided to pull myself up by my bootstraps and become the kind of Christian I aspired to be.  I bought long denim skirts because that was what those ladies who I longed to be like, longed to fit in with, wore.  I read the 'right' kind of books, I changed my theology to become more Biblically correct.  I knew I was saved by God but I longed to be more righteous and fruitful, and instead of resting in the vine for that fruit I tried to cultivate it for myself. I am reminded of this scripture:

My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the Fountain of living waters, and they have hewn for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns which cannot hold water. Jeremiah 2:13

If we forsake God in favour of an easy to achieve checklist we are wronging both Him and ourselves.  We rob ourselves of the intimate personal relationship that we might have with the Father if we were attached to the vine, and we rob God by refusing to put our faith in the saving work of His Son on the cross.  We are told in Philippians 2:12 to work out our salvation with fear and trembling and I believe fully in this exhortation.  We should not be sloppy about our faith; it should be the most important part of our lives and radiate from everything that we do.  We should, however, remember that we are all individuals and the working out may look different for each of us.  The King James Bible refers to working out our 'own' salvation.  Christianity is truly about a personal relationship with a personal saviour.  So no more check boxes,... not for me anyway.  Be who you are; uniquely and wonderfully you.  No-one else can have the relationship with God that you have because no-one else is like you: don't rob Him of the joy of your friendship by trying to emulate somebody else's version of what a Christian is like.  Be a true friend by revealing your true self to Him and allowing his love to change and mould you into your best self.

Who am I that You are mindful of me 
That You hear me when I call 
Is it true that You are thinking of me 
How You love me it's amazing 

(Chorus) 
I am a friend of God 
I am a friend of God 
I am a friend of God 
He calls me friend 

God Almighty, Lord of Glory 
You have called me friend 

(Repeat Chorus) 

He calls me friend 
He calls me friend...

Israel Houghton

Storm Clouds Gathering or Getting Rid of Toxic Fear

I wonder if it's because I'm British.... The tendency to watch the horizon for signs of impending bad weather is something akin to my tendency to look towards the future with a sense of foreboding.  Both might be seen as British characteristics.  Everyone knows we're obsessed with the weather,.. and you'd have to admit we're not the most optimistic of races.  Don't get me wrong, I love being British; we are stalwart and resilient, having fought off our (then) enemies in two world wars.  Ask Granny if there's cake for tea, though, and even when it's practically bursting out of the Silver Jubilee biscuit tin on the top shelf in the pantry cupboard, she'll look dour and reply: ooh, I don't know about that then.  Maybe there's a connection between our lack of optimism and our lack of sunshine; it wouldn't surprise me.

Recently I've been worrying a lot.  Little things have escalated in my mind to become big things which have the potential to destroy all the brightness in my life.  There were some clouds.  Tiny ones actually.  To me they looked brooding and dangerous.  I started to panic, to make plans in my mind about how I would deal with such an intense storm in my life; I started to lose control.  In the end they turned out to be nothing more than a few wispy cirrus, floating overhead with not even a speck of rain to dampen my day.  I breathed a sigh of relief, thanked God and began to think....

Fear is toxic.  If you've seen Star Wars Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith you'll be familiar with Annakin Skywalker's seduction by the dark side.  If you're not familiar with the film you only need to know one thing about Annakin's demise as a Jedi Knight: it begins with fear.  He fears that he will lose his beloved wife, Padme, in childbirth.  This fear is so strong that it begins to control him and, furthermore, puts him at the mercy of those who would manipulate him for their own ends.  We all know what happens next; Padme dies anyway and Annakin loses himself to the dark side.  It's very much like the story of Othello by William Shakespeare.  Othello listens to the whispers of an enemy and he is rendered murderous with jealousy; death and destruction is his final end. 

Satan has a plan for our life.  It is the complete opposite of God's plan.  God has a plan to prosper us and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11) whereas Satan is a thief who comes in the night to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10).  And how does he instigate this vile plan?  In 1 Peter 5:8 we are warned: 

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like 

a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. NIV

The devil has no real power over us if we belong to Jesus BUT he will prowl about us and roar like a lion.  And why does a lion roar?  To frighten his prey, who will either become immovable with that fear, or frenzied and confused.  Either way, they make a much easier object of prey.  Satan wants to make you fear; he wants to immobilise you or send you into a frenzied tailspin.  He has a plan for your destruction.  And his whispers,... those worries that haunt you in the middle of the night when rationality is sleeping; they are lies to entrap you.  

So what is the answer?  The answer is always faith and trust in our Lord, Jesus Christ.  It sounds trite.  Please don't switch off now; it isn't trite.  It isn't an easy answer or a fob off.  It's the truth.  The truth is that sometimes those dark and brooding storm clouds will pass over and sometimes they will send torrents hurtling down upon you when you least expect it.  Life is like that; but life is not about what happens to us,... it's about how we respond.  We can respond with fear, allowing Satan to have the upper hand, or we can respond with faith in God's promise that he will NEVER leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8 amongst others).  Scripture tells us not to fear over one hundred times and we need not fear because God is true to his promises and, even when it seems like life is falling apart, HIS plan for our good and HIS glory is being worked out.

When you see the storm clouds gathering what should you do?  Respond with faith; trust God and walk forward knowing that, whatever happens, He is with you.  It's not an easy thing to do; it will require stalwart resilience but it IS possible, for ALL things are possible in Him (Mark 9:23).

Love and prayers

Jo x

The Many Handed Serpent

http://amothersheart.blogspot.co.uk/

I read this post on my friend Sarah's blog and it really struck a chord.  I've been meaning to blog on 1 Corinthians 12:12-26  for quite some time now.  Some of you will know that, having previouusly been of a mind to leave our fertility to God, my husband and I have recently made the very difficult decision not to have any more children.  I've posted before http://joc4jesus.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/coming-out-of-darkness.html about my journey to and from the edge of despair.  I am sure I don't need to further explain how we came to make our decision.

Regardless of our circumstances, there are some who think we should carry on having children in the name of being obedient to God.  I beg to differ.  I don't believe that being obedient to God comes down to a single interpretation of scripture.  I believe that some women are called and convicted to make the very courageous step to become mothers of many blessings.  I admire them greatly.  I also KNOW that some women are scarred and broken, drug addicted and depressed, needy and dependent,... or maybe they are just single and childless.  Are those women any less in the eyes of God?  Are they less because motherhood is not for them, or because they can only physically or mentally cope with a smaller number of children.  I would say, most definitely, NO.  I have searched the heart of God on this issue so much recently.  And this is what he says to me:

1 Corinthians 12:12-26

¹² Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. ¹³ For we were all baptized by^[c] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. ¹⁴ Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

¹⁵ Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸ But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹ If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹ The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,²³ and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴ while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵ so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

²⁷ Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

We women are all different.  We are not all hands.  We should not promote feminity in one particular vein.  I am all for promoting motherhood and wifedom,... but I also think that we need to accept that some women will tread a different path.  And that is OK.  In fact it's more than OK; to be the person that God made you to be in all your fullness is marvellous,.. whether you are the mother of many, few or none.  BE the you God created you to be,... whoever that is.  A body with many hands would be a monstrous creature.  We need diversity,... and God needs YOU!!!

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Enough

I keep the Jesus Storybook Bible on my pile of devotionals by my favourite armchair.  That way, if a small person comes along and wants to join in, I always have something to read them.  It's a brilliant book.  It looks at the whole Bible through the lens of the promise and fulfilment of the Messiah in the person of Jesus Christ.  That sounds a bit complicated and theological but actually, in the very simplest terms, it outlines God's plan for the salvation of humanity from day one.

Anyway, the other day I was reading Daily Light in my favourite armchair when Elijah came and took up residence on my lap.  I dutifully put down my devotional and picked up the Jesus Storybook Bible.  I flipped it open to a random page, which just happened to be the story of the loaves and the fishes.  It's a familiar story,... so familiar, in fact, that sometimes it's easy to gloss over it and fail to see the amazing truths it contains.  I mean, yes, it's one of the miracles of Jesus which help to validate his claims to be divine,  but it's also more than that.  It's about a young boy who chose to give what he had when, in all honesty, what he had was a mere drop in the ocean.  If it was me I'd have been tempted to ask what good my little bit could do and keep it to myself.  Isn't that what we do, oftentimes, when faced with situations of great need or injustice??  We think, well my contribution would be so small that it would be completely ineffective,... and so we make no contribution at all.

It reminds me of the story of a little boy walking along a shoreline where thousands of starfish had been beached.  As he walked he picked up single starfish and threw them back into the water.  He was challenged by a passing adult who asked him what he hoped to achieve in the face of such an enormous environmental disaster; he couldn't possibly make a difference.  The boy, calmly, picked up a starfish, threw it back in and said,... well I made a difference to that one.

The boy with the loaves and fishes surrendered himself to be used,... but more than that.  He had faith that in doing so he could make a difference.  God is the God of increase.  He can take our measly offerings and make them into something astounding and abundant for his purpose and glory.  It doesn't matter how much we have; if we give it with a faith filled heart, he will multiply it and use if for his kingdom.  

As a mother who has suffered from depression and constantly questioned her ability to raise Godly children, this story gives me great hope. If I surrender myself to this task he has given me;  if I mother to the best of my God -given ability; if I have faith to believe that my offering is acceptable to God....  It sounds like a spiritual gymnastics class but in reality I think it comes down to one thing: trust.  We entrust ourselves to God and we believe that he has a good plan for us.  It's not about us; it's about him.  And so I breathe a huge sigh of relief and leave you with the wonderful closing words of the tale of the loaves and fishes from The Jesus Storybook Bible.

But it was the most natural thing in all the world.  It's what God had been doing from the beginning, of course.  Taking the nothing and making it everything.  Taking the emptiness and filling it up.  Taking the darkness and making it light.

2 Corinthians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
⁶ For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.
⁷ We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

This boy!

This boy is almost three years old.
This boy only eats sweet things.  Yogurts, fruit, jam and bread.
This boy climbs on counter tops to steal Easter eggs hidden away for safekeeping.
This boy draws on freshly painted walls with felt tip pens.

This boy paints the television with nail varnish while his mother is cooking the dinner.
This boy climbs on chairs to climb on furniture to hang out of windows.
This boy breaks his mother's prized heirlooms.
This boy breaks his brother's Lego models.

This boy has escaped from the house twice and been brought back by an off duty police officer.
This boy causes havoc and mayhem wherever he goes.
This boy has speech and language delay and is being assessed for further developmental delay.
This boy creates lots of hard work.

This boy is one of the reasons I get up on a morning.
This boy makes my soul sing.


Sometimes you just need to remind yourself that the mess, the hassle and the strain on your physical and mental health is sooooooooo totally worth it.  I love you Eli. x

New Title

So I've given my blog a new title. I decided that it more aptly described what I want to do with this blog than 'Jo's Boys'. The blog will continue to be about my boys, with photos for all you lovely rellies and friends who call in to see how we are getting on. However, I really want to focus on the joys and difficulties of being a first generation Christian mother. I have not had an easy past. I did not know God until I was in my early twenties and my life previous to that time was far from Godly. This has left me with many issues and struggles as I walk with faith the path God has given me in raising my mighty boys of God. I am a pioneer. The landscape is unfamiliar, and sometimes even dangerous. Our journey is tiring and full of apprehension. And yet there is hope. Our God is the great redeemer. Wisdom and understanding is bountiful in his word. His spirit guides and helps us. What an adventure. I hope you will share it with us.

Ed is always ready for an adventure.