New Title

So I've given my blog a new title. I decided that it more aptly described what I want to do with this blog than 'Jo's Boys'. The blog will continue to be about my boys, with photos for all you lovely rellies and friends who call in to see how we are getting on. However, I really want to focus on the joys and difficulties of being a first generation Christian mother. I have not had an easy past. I did not know God until I was in my early twenties and my life previous to that time was far from Godly. This has left me with many issues and struggles as I walk with faith the path God has given me in raising my mighty boys of God. I am a pioneer. The landscape is unfamiliar, and sometimes even dangerous. Our journey is tiring and full of apprehension. And yet there is hope. Our God is the great redeemer. Wisdom and understanding is bountiful in his word. His spirit guides and helps us. What an adventure. I hope you will share it with us.

Ed is always ready for an adventure.

Days of Elijah

Baby Elijah Wesley was born on 2nd May @ 3-06am weighing 8lbs 5.5oz.

Honest Scrap Awards - did I give you one?!

The lovely Leah at Homegrown Babies has given me a lovely Honest Scrap award. The rules of this are that I have to share 10 honest things about myself and then pass the award on to 10 other bloggers.

So here goes with the honesty.

1. I didn't really enjoy my childhood. There are a hundred reasons why, which I won't go into, but the result of it is that mothering sometimes comes as something of a challenge to me.

2. Despite all the challenges it poses for me, I am absolutely passionate about mothering and becoming the mother God wants me to be. BUT I don't have regular aspirations for my kids. I have no interest in their being successful academically, financially, socially etc. What I want for them more than anything is that they follow God and fulfil his purpose for their lives. I love the quote from Suzannah Wesley that she dedicated the entirety of twenty years to the salvation of her children's souls. That's my ultimate aim for motherhood.

3. I met my husband on a Uni exchange to Innsbruck, Austria. He was a lapsed Christian and I was a wayward student. We did everything that we weren't supposed to do but we embarked upon a journey of faith together along the way. That was 16 years ago and this year we've been married for 13 of those. Thank God that we began our married life in love with Him as well as each other. We've had some tough and rocky times together but I can honestly say that I love him now more than ever. He showed me what the love of Jesus looked like in a way that no-one else ever had. I thank God for him every day.

4. I'm a bit of a useless vegan; I often pinch the odd Haribo from the kids.

5. I have a terrible inferiority complex. LOL!

6. I've never had better friends in my whole life than I have now. They give me such love and support; they are true examples of Christlike friendship. Thank you guys.

7. I try to be as green as possible in all my cleaning products, but I'm a bit addicted to Carpet Power, because with three small boys and a cream lounge carpet, I don't know what I'd do without it.

8. I love Poundland. (Horrible I know).

9. I also love chintz so I won't be chucking any out. Sorry IKEA. In fact, the 1980s Laura Ashley look is my favourite interior style.

10. I'm not a very conservative Christian. There are lots of things about Christian conservatism that appeal to me but I have to admit that I have lots of liberal tendencies. I have a great deal of sympathy with the Palestinians, I wear trousers quite alot, I am trying to use grace-based discipline with my children because I just found smacking didn't work at all for us, I have a lot to thank the welfare state for having grown up in a single parent family. I could go on.

Well, there you go. 10 honest things about me. Hope you still want to read my blog after that.

I pass on the Honest Scrap award to:
Jackie at Hedgerow Ways and Fireside Days
Esther at Hands and Hearts Together
Clare at Now we are Six
Sarah at A Mother's Heart
Hazel at Living and Mothering in a Village in West Yorks
Jenny at Homeschooling Nine Kids
Pippa at When I get the time
Wendy at Sunnyside Acre
Clair at Little Rainbows
Sharon at Diary of a Housewife

I hope no-one is cross that I didn't give them one. I think everyone deserves an award really; I get so much inspiration for reading all your lovely blogs.

Thank you to Leah!!!!!

Jo
x

A Quick Update

Just to let you know that I'm still here. My lack of blogging is primarily due to the cleaning mania with which I have been gripped for the past few weeks. Funny thing is, though, that despite all my dusting and vaccuming and wiping, the place still looks grotty. I have a suspicion that three small boys might have something to do with that. Lol! Also, our computer is well and truly jiggered, and given our complete lack of funds, I am having to do with Phil's work laptop whenever he can spare it. We are hoping to acquire a second hand FREE laptop reasonably soon so I'll be able to upload photos then, as I can't upload anything onto Phil's.

I am getting rather fed up of waiting for baby and also having all sorts of doubts about how we will manage emotionally and financially. Sadly, our finances have taken an even darker turn and it's difficult to know how having an extra person to clothe and feed will affect things. I pray and believe that God will provide, that's all I can do. And then there's the doubts about our parenting ability; can we do this? I know that when LO arrives all these doubts will fade into nothing but right now they seem very real. I think it's just the waiting getting to me. I keep having the odd very stron bh, and even the odd bout of regular contractions, but then nothing. Well baby can't stay in there forever, can he? Or she? Is anyone taking bets? My money's on another boy but I could be wrong. Hope we find out soon.

Not feeling so good today

So my feelings of how wonderful the simple life are have disappeared, to be replaced by despair, envy and bitterness. None of these characteristics represent the person I want to be, and yet at the moment I feel held captive to my negative emotions and all I want to do is cry and feel how life is not fair. I think it could be the hormones mixed with tiredness but I can't seem to rationalise it at all. The thing which really upset me was volunteering to sing at a church event yesterday and baking cakes to accompany the soiree. Thing is, when I got there the place was massively busy with nowhere to sit AND cakes and drinks were being sold as a fundraiser. Now, I was happy to donate my time and culinary efforts to this event. It was a good cause. BUT, I had not a single penny in my purse, and three sweet toothed children by my side. I just couldn't take it and ended up leaving the children with a friend (who so kindly bought cakes for them) and going home and crying for an hour on the sofa. How pathetic?! I am such a sad case. I am trying to believe that things will improve, but it is hard to see at the moment. And I need to apologise to the choir leader for leaving her in the lurch, but I just can't bring myself to even broach the subject. Every time I think about it I just want to cry. I guess it's the hormones. Never mind, not long now.

Treasure in Heaven

So, we are broke. Totally broke. Don't ask me why; it's a long story and I don't want pity so I shan't recount it. I just wanted to reflect on the situation, and draw some positives from it.

I used to work full time as a teacher. I had lots of disposable cash. My child wore clothes from Gap and Next and we had nice holidays and nice things. BUT, he spent his days with a childminder and was fairly miserable to say the least. I, meanwhile, was consumed by guilt. If I kept on working my child was suffering; if I gave up work it was a waste of everything I'd achieved in terms of my education and escape from council estate poverty. In the end work broke me and, pregnant with baby number two, I gave up my job and stayed home.

And here I am now, home educating three boys and having less money than I've ever had in my whole life. But, in between the bouts of horror about paying bills and eeking out our food budget, I am also happier than I've ever been before. It's quite freeing to live outside of our consumer society; to not have the option of shopping in mainstream outlets. It's incredibly freeing to have a menu plan for each week and know what I'm cooking each day. But most of all, I know that all the 'stuff' I could have if I were a working mom is just temporal garbage which would end up on a landfill site some time in the future. My children, on the other hand, have eternal souls which will live with God forever. This said, how much better to spend my time and effort in helping them to grow in education, character and faith, than spending my time and money in the local shopping centre. I really do believe that what Satan means for our downfall can be used by God for our ultimate good, just like in the Old Testament story of Joseph, and also according to Romans 8:28:

King James BibleAnd we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I can honestly say that we've had some pretty awful times on the way to where we are now. Times I would have done anything to avoid if I'd had foreknowledge of them. I didn't want to be who I am now; I wanted to be the woman who had everything; a supermum; glamorous, capable, wealthy, envied by all. But God had other ideas, and boy am I grateful that he did. When I look back at who I was then I am pretty horrified. Don't get me wrong. I am sooooooooooooo not the person he ultimately wants me to be; I still have a considerable way to go,... but, I am trying to walk with him and be guided by him in my daily life. I am sure that there will be tough times ahead but I also know that God will use them to mould and shape me for his purpose, and that his overall plan for me is a good one.

Praise Him.

Jo x

Pancakes and etc

We had a fairly low key Valentines celebration here. We made some decorations. The boys went earlyish to bed. Mummy and Daddy had their favourite Indian takeaway. And then Mummy was sick. I'm not sure whether the curry was dodgy or my heavily pregnant body just didn't like it, but it involved a whole day rushing between bed and bathroom. Not nice. Also fairly wierd since curry has been one of my major cravings in previous pregnancies.

Anyway, we were back on track for Shrove Tuesday when we spent alot of time talking about Jesus' baptism and confessing our sins, before tucking into a terribly sinful treat of vegan pancakes, melted chocolate, syrup, strawberries and fresh cream and ice cream for the non vegan types. Yummy. We have now given up cakes for Lent. So far so good but I have a feeling it could get difficult.